30 December, 2009

Headlines from Next Year

Why wait for the tragically predictable?

Apple drops the price of new iTablet by 25%, angering those who spent a week camped outside malls a month earlier in order to be the first to own them.

Sean Hannity demands DNA sample from Barack Obama to prove that he is human. Also questions whether the president is really over 35 and from planet Earth.

Microsoft assures users that upcoming release of SP1 will correct most issues with Windows 7.

Footballer placed on good behaviour bond for urinating in public says, “I just want to put it behind me and get on with my life."

Obama insists that despite the initial delay, Guantanamo Bay will be closed by January 2011.

Sarah Palin supporters blame “personal attacks by the TV ratings system” for the cancellation of her Fox News talk show.

The word “hashtag” added to Oxford English Dictionary.

CNN launches new flagship program, “Stuff we found on the internet.”

Owners of BitTorrent website abunchofthieves.com tell court “Who us? Steal? Never!”

Dick Cheney claims that thinking critical thoughts about him will cause the ground to open and swallow you up.

New social networking site moodring.com allows users to express themselves purely by colour.

Rock band says they hope to tour Australia “possibly next year.”

New Sacha Baron Cohen film to feature outrageous character who confuses unsuspecting Americans.

Administration backpedals on Iraq withdrawal date.

Speculation mounts about Abbott’s future as Liberal leader.

New online game Third Life allows socially awkward Second Life avatars to live out their fantasies.

Accusations of bribery and corruption in Olympic bidding process.

Local council attempts to create physical space inspired by online networking models. Working title for the project is “a park.”


  1. Classic! Esp that last one. I can't believe the Abbott one hasn't made it into headlines already!

  2. I predicted you'd do this.

  3. I knew you were going to say that.