25 July, 2019

Boris Johnson vomits into the Queen's hat

Well, that didn't happen. At least, it hasn't yet.

The premise came about from a comment I made on the socials at the time Boris was being announced as the winner of Most Popular Actor in a Comedy Soap:
Theresa May was expected to achieve the impossible. Of course, it's still impossible for Boris too, but expectations are so low that if he manages to avoid vomiting into the queen's hat, he'll be considered a success.
A friend made the comment that they would probably let him get away with that too. And that got me to thinking exactly how the reflexive right and gratuitous contrarians would justify it, and I am sure my correspondent is right.

Boris Johnson 
Look, I happen to be aware that when Her Majesty was working as a nurse, tending to our brave lads on the Russian front in the first world war, she liked nothing more than the scent of a bit of hardworking chunder as bit of a pick-me-up at the end of a long hard day. 

Donald Trump
I believe it's considered a mark of great respect in the British aisles. I know it is in Scotland. They always offer it to me. Beautiful place. They have the best golf there. They invented it, I perfected it. Boris is a very good friend of mine, he says very nice things about me, he's making regurgitation great again.  

Scott Morrison
How good's spewing? 

Piers Morgan
Oh, it's just the leftie snowflake fun police at it again. When I was a young man, blowing chunks in a girl's ear was a sign you liked her. In fact, it was quite a leg-opener. Oh, I suppose I'm not allowed to say that any more either!  

Paul Watson
The liberal left wing elite are supposed to believe in recycling and sustainable use of resources, yet when a Conservative Brexiter does it, suddenly they hate him for donating his excess nutrients to the Sovereign. They also claim to hate royalty but are now using the Queen as their new poster child for loony left victimhood. And I'll bet YouTube won't monetise this video for me.