How about we stop using soldiers’ lives as a thought experiment?

 

As the second Trump administration did the totally bloody thinkable and started a war with Iran, many are digging up old, and not so old comments from Trump and his cronies about how Obama and then Biden and then Harris were going to [checks notes] start a war with Iran.

The hypocrisy is a given and it will not hurt the administration one bit. They revel in it and their supporters love them for it. That’s not the point.

Ever since Vietnam, war has become an entirely abstract concept to the greater American populace, and to most of the westernised world for that matter. That was the last war where most people had a human connection. Since then, war is just something that happens to other people. Say “God bless our troops,” and you’ve done your bit. Paying taxes to make sure they’re properly equipped and supported if and when they return? That’s communism.

During the last Iraq war (and just think about that opening for a moment), when PBS Newshour showed the names and pictures of those killed in that war at the end of each bulletin, even that was labelled left wing bias. Apparently supporting the troops means keeping them nameless and faceless.

Even the president – any president, with or without appropriate headwear – having a photo-op with a coffin keeps the occupant anonymous. Do you know the name or face of the person in the box the president was saluting? Didn’t think so.

It’s said that the first rule of war is to dehumanise the enemy. It’s easier to kill someone if you don’t think they are a fellow human being who was thrown into this situation through no fault of their own just like you were.

If that’s true, then the second rule of modern war is to dehumanise your own side. It’s easier to get the people at home on board with “Send the Marines,” and “America, Fuck Yeah!” if you treat them as mere equipment, and not actual human beings. And it’s best to let the people think it’s a true volunteer army and not point out the fact that many of them have literally bet their life on a better future because they saw no other way. It’s not conscription if you do it by stealth.

And this is why PBS was accused of bias in honouring the dead. Giving a human face to the people whose lives are wasted in another international pissing contest isn’t good for the polls.

This is also why those who oppose a war with Iran – and up until a week ago, this included all of MAGAworld – invoke “your sons,” just as senior White House Ghoul Stephen Miller did in October 2024.

Predictably, and rightly, opponents of the administration clapped back:

But what do you notice about both sets of comments?

They’re still taking about other people. Whether it’s “your sons,” or “our kids,” they’re still talking about other people. The only difference is one of the appeals to empathy comes from people who are on record saying empathy is a weakness.

None of them have any real skin in the game. They know it won’t be their kids and they’re still using other people’s kids as a tactic, not as real people.

The most offensive aspect of this debate – and it’s a trap anti-war people fall into as well – is treating those who are sent to war as entirely hypothetical, without any agency of their own.

It’s true that soldiers have no agency in what they are sent to do. That’s how the military works. And as mentioned above, many had very little agency in volunteering to sacrifice that agency. But they are real people. They have hopes, and dreams, and they vote.

So if we really care about the lives of those who are sent to war, and those who may be, whether it’s because we want them to win or kept out of harm’s way in the first place, how about we start by not treating them as a mere thought experiment? How about we stop treating an entire generation as an emotional bargaining chip, whatever the objective may be?

On phobia vs scepticism

John Cleese has issued a few tweets over recent weeks suggesting that a better word for what is often called Islamophobia should be called Islamosceptic. 

Dr Cleese has had a few bad takes in his time but a look at his feed shows he’s mostly on the right side. I can respect anyone whose opinion on any given subject isn’t instantly predictable based on their other opinions, and I wish to take him up on his point in the intellectual spirit it was offered in. 

I accept Dr Cleese’s definition of a phobia as an “irrational over-reaction, as with spiders.”

Here’s the problem:

We are not always rational about what makes something rational or irrational.

I have two major phobias – heights, and large bodies of water.

I have argued (albeit facetiously) that being afraid of falling to my doom from a great height or drowning in the ocean are perfectly rational fears.

However, history has shown us that so long as the risks are respected and proper safety procedures followed, there is no rational reason to be afraid of either. That doesn’t stop my balls from shrinking up towards my intestines any time I’m in such a situation – or even when I see such a situation on television. In fact, media induced trauma has a lot to do with what we’re talking about and we’ll get to that a little later.

Perhaps I should call myself an acrosceptic.

I’m none too fond of spiders either, but where-ever possible I live and let live.

So while John’s points about ‘phobia’ being an emotive term which implies irrationality, and scepticism being a indispensable part of scientific method are well taken, it doesn’t tell the whole story.

For example: there are people who disagree with the interpretation of scientific data on human induced climate change which is accepted by 97% of climate scientists.

While I may butt up against the appeal to authority fallacy here, this is not a rational position for anyone who is not a climate scientist to take. Yet those who adopt it get to call themselves “climate sceptics.”

To be a climate ‘sceptic’ today is not to hold a rational doubt in pursuit of the truth. This is shown in the way most of their arguments are non-scientific, from conspiracy theories to “it was cold where I live last week.”

None of this fits a valid definition of ‘sceptic.’ But it would be wrong to call them sciencephobes. They are not scared of science per se. They happily accept air travel, pain killers, plastics, the internet. Some even accept vaccines.

No, they only fear science when the science is inconvenient to them. Or not even to them, but to those they have been listening to. For, what is there to fear from mitigating climate change? Renewable energy sources? Cleaner air and water? New industries and employment opportunities?

To find a rational fear of reducing climate change, we have to look to who has the most to lose from it. That is, of course, those who profit the most from the fossil fuel industry. And it turns out, a lot of them own media companies too. Those who don’t directly own media companies make large contributions to those who do.

I’m not saying it’s only the fat cats who benefit from the fossil fuels industry. There are thousands, if not millions of oil rig workers and miners who will have to retrain and find other jobs if we do this properly. Just as there were thousands of workers in the photographic film industry whose jobs evaporated in a space of about five years. Unless you thought for five seconds about their plight before ditching your instamatic for a digicam and then an iPhone, I respectfully ask that you pipe down about job losses.

Now that we have discussed phobia vs scepticism on a less emotive example than religion, let’s return to whether we should be saying Islamophobe or Islamosceptic.

The problem with both terms is they treat Islam as a monolith, which is it not, any more than Christianity, conservatism, or Collingwood supporters.

To question the teachings of the Prophet Mohammad, and the tenets of the Quran is to be sceptical. It is not just part of scientific thinking but also theological thinking.

To fear for your safety because you saw someone on public transport in religious garb is irrational and can correctly be described as a phobia. The same goes for assuming a mosque is a terrorist hub for no other reason than that it is a mosque.

We all know (well, most of us do) that the antics of the Westboro Baptist Church (Hey! They call it a church!) is not broadly representative of Christianity, despite the disproportionate amount of media coverage they receive. To assume it is would be phobic, not sceptic. 

Dr Cleese makes the very valid point that Life of Brian is in no way Christophobic. But based on his own explanation, he would be right to take umbrage at the film being called Christosceptic too. As he says, it is not sceptical of Christianity, just certain types of Christians. 

Valid criticism of Westboro has nothing to with criticising Christianity. This much is obvious. What apparently isn’t so obvious is that criticism Islam as a whole is a long way from criticising how certain adherents practice particular facets of their faith.

It’s a pity that no one seems to be able to tell the difference.

 

How to fix I.C.E.

There are millions of people who want ICE abolished. There are millions of people who want ICE strengthened. It’s a common debate about all kinds of services.

The solution is very simple, and it’s something I have learned from 25 years of reading and engaging with US conservatives. 

Two words: 

User pays!

That’s always been the guiding principle of conservatism. Taxpayers should not have to fund public schools if they want to send their kids to private schools or home school. There shouldn’t be publically funded libraries when there are people who don’t believe in reading. There should not be publically funded media when people don’t want to hear it. 

And I don’t even need to mention health care. America has the best health care in the world, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?

This principle applies no matter how many Washington elites try to tell you it’s “necessary.”

Also, was it not Ronald Reagan who said the most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help”?

Well, you’ve proved that. Government run Immigration and Customs Enforcement has resulted in people being hired who aren’t even physically or psychologically fit enough to be an overnight mall cop. 

What’s more, they’re being paid 5-figure bonuses before they’ve even done a day’s work! What kind of socialism is that? It’s Business 101, people! Where is the Department of Government Efficiency now?

The solution is simple, and it’s to follow the conservative solution for everything:
PRIVATISE I.C.E!

We all know that the private sector always gives a better service for a lower price, right? Right?

So, let them! Allow the free market to decide as it does best! Let the people choose their own ICE agents.

Now I’m not saying it will come cheap. A simple mid-morning raid on a restaurant could still run into hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not everyone who needs it can afford that. 

For those who can’t afford to pay out of pocket, they can take out Immigration Insurance. If they require a raid, they can claim it on their insurance plan. After that, a very smart and community spirited assessor will look at the daylight murder you requested and decide if 

a)    The procedure is covered under your policy
b)    The operation was warranted
c)    The company will pay for it

If the answer to all three questions is ‘yes’ then happy days!

If the answer to any of those questions is ‘no’ then you’ll have your life destroyed. But I’m sure we can all agree that this would only happen to people trying to game the system through over servicing, right? 

You know it makes sense. 

Or, as one of your fallen heroes liked to say, prove me wrong.

The spectrum of MAGA

Donald Trump says autism is out of control. There’s no comment on what it would look like if autism were under control, but that’s another question. 

While the US administration implies that a life with autism is not worth living, it would pay to take a look at who is saying it.

There’s the guy who blamed undiagnosed Asperger’s* syndrome for throwing a Nazi salute at an inauguration party. 

Then there’s the guy who thinks it’s perfectly normal to pick up animal carcasses and take them home to study or eat. 

And they’re all led by a grown man who regularly throws tantrums when something doesn’t work for him, alleging great conspiracies against him. 

When you put it all together, it sounds pretty spectrummy, doesn’t it?

Yet they’ve all done well for themselves. So what’s the problem?

 

* This expression is no longer used due to its Nazi connotations, ironically. 

 

 

 

Morrissey: “What does this tell us about the state of Art in 2025?”

Dear Morrissey,

In your latest excuse for cancelling yet another show, you ponder: “No label will release our music, no radio will play our music… and yet our ticket sales are sensational. What does this tell us about the state of Art in 2025?”

There are several answers to this question, and they’re all patently obvious to anyone who has spent any time awake on Earth in the 21st century. 

And they all come down to the fact it’s no longer the 1990s. We cannot cling to those old dreams any more. No record company is going to give you a quarter-million dollar advance to do whatever you want. And when you realise it’s not the 1990s any more, you might also notice that you’re not 30 any more either, and perhaps consider not booking such an “exhausting” tour schedule.

You bemoan the lack of finance from record companies for you to tour, but why would they? Nobody buys physical albums any more, and they haven’t for 20 years. Had you not noticed? These days if an album has a physical release at all, it’s more likely to be on fancy vinyl aimed at a niche market and cost about $70. Singles aren’t even worth thinking about. The average consumer gets all their music from streaming now. Yes, even your fans. 

Gone are the days when tours promoted record sales. Today, albums are a loss-leader to promote concerts. Personally, I don’t like this situation any more than you do, but it’s something every artist has had to adjust to, from the bedroom guitarist with high hopes right up to Bruce Springsteen. 

What exactly do you think ticket sales have to do with having a record deal? To pick just three of your contemporaries, Echo and the Bunnymen, New Order, and Culture Club all continue to tour without any of them having released an album this decade. It doesn’t hurt that when they tour, they show up on time and treat their promoters, crew, and audience with respect. 

You know who else is doing a massively profitable tour without a record company? Oasis!

Now sure, you’re not Oasis. But the people buying Oasis tickets are doing so for exactly the same reason people buy Morrissey tickets: Nostalgia! 

No-one wants to see their favourite artists disappear up their own back catalogue, forsaking any relevance to today. But no-one wants to hear only the new album either. The people buying Morrissey tickets are not coming to hear unreleased songs from Bonfire of Teenagers. They are coming to hear How Soon Is Now?, Suedehead, Bigmouth Strikes Again, November Spawned a Monster, and Interesting Drug. I promise you, no-one standing through the tedious 40-minute YouTube playlist you present at the start of your show is turning to their friend and saying, “I hope he does Life is a Pigsty.” 

They are there to see the Morrissey who reminded them that it takes strength to be gentle and kind, not the Morrissey whose world is shaken by hearing foreign accents in the high street. I know the latter attitude has made you something of a cause célèbre among freedom-fetishising alt-right podcasters and their fans, but I’ll bet you a Johnny Marr signature Martin none of them could hum two bars of any of your songs. They’re not the ones going to your concerts because they’re just as scared to leave the house as you are.

So let’s instead focus on the good aspects of the music industry in 2025. These days, anyone can release an album entirely on their own terms. They probably won’t become a millionaire from it, but artistic integrity is priceless, no? Bonfire of Teenagers could be out tomorrow if you wanted it to be. If Bandcamp is good enough for Peter Gabriel, it’s good enough for you Sonny Jim!

But that would mean taking responsibility for your own career and that’s not what you want, is it? What you want is plausible deniability. You want an evil record label, promoter, or management company to blame when you inevitably shit in the nest again. 

And you’ve had a bad run with all of them, haven’t you? In an industry awash with opportunists and hangers-on, you have achieved what should be impossible. You have completely run out of people willing to work with you. Despite excellent brand recognition, your reputation for being devious, truculent and unreliable precedes you to the point where even the most desperate try-hard refuses to touch you. Being Morrissey’s manager is like being Donald Trump’s lawyer. The first sign of incompetence is taking on the client in the first place. 

Having an ugly bust-up with one label or management company is to be expected. It’s virtually a rock and roll rite of passage. To have it happen with every company you’ve ever dealt with is a different story. 

It’s you, Steven. You’re the problem. 
   

Next Week’s Executive Orders

In his latest act of ruling by fiat – which I’m sure is as the founders intended – Donald Trump claims he’s restoring water pressure to showers.

Never mind the fact that the low-flow attachments are easily removed and Trump’s order will not make them disappear. In fact, I’ll bet every knuckle-dragger in a red hat will claim they’ve just had the best shower they’ve had since 2008 just because Trump said so.

It’s stupid, but it’s harmless stupid. Given that everything Trump does is stupid, let’s be thankful for small mercies and go with the harmless ones.

Here are some suggestions for next week, with appropriately Trumpian explanations:
 

 

Regulating Auditory Output in Broadcasting

April 13, 2025

Didja ever notice the ads on TV always seem louder than the shows? I’m tryin’ to watch Hannity and I gotta crank the sound all the way up just to hear all the great things he’s sayin’ about me. And then he throws to a commercial and it nearly blows your damn head off! So ya gotta reach for the remote and turn it down before your ears start to bleed. But then the show comes back on and I can’t hear anything. What’s with that? We’re putting a stop to it right now.

Bringing Usability to Adhesive Products

April 14, 2025

You know those rolls of Scotch tape? They always come with a little thing on the end so you can find where to start peeling it real easy. But then once you’ve used it, it sticks down and you can never find the end. We’re gonna force manufacturers to put those little things at the end every two inches along the tape so you’re not driven crazy trying to find the end again. This should have been done years ago. I’m very smart!

Restoring the Honor of Women in the Media

April 15, 2025

There’s this thing with women on TV wearing suits and shirts and ties. Have you noticed that? I’ve noticed it. I don’t get it. Why would you wanna make women dress like that? These women are beautiful. Of course they’re beautiful, they’re on TV. Who wants to see a woman dressed like a man? I don’t know what I’m looking at!  Half the time I’m thinking, “Who’s this dude with long blonde hair and eye shadow who’s making me kinda horny?” Women never wore ties when I was growing up. Ties are what men wear. We’re gonna allow women to be women again.

Mordernizing Beverage Container Sealing Initiative

April 16, 2025

Modern soda bottles, I tell ya! You know they made the bottle caps so small. It’s supposed to be for the environment, so you know it’s all a hoax! And they’ve got that little ring, right? This little ring that’s supposed to break off when you open the cap. But it never breaks off properly! I’ve tried it! You’ve gotta go, “Oooh” this way, then you’ve gotta go “Ahh” that way, and most of the time that doesn’t even work, so you’ve gotta go “wiggle… wiggle… wiggle… wiggle… … wiggle…” and even then it gets stuck on half way. You could cut your lip. You risk bleeding to death just coz you’re thirsty. And by the time you get it off, your soda’s gone flat and disgusting. We’re banning those stupid rings. You’re welcome!

Making Umbrellas Great again. MUGA!

April 17, 2025

How come you can’t get umbrellas closed? Nobody knows how to do it. I don’t know how to do it and I’m a genius so obviously nobody else can either. We’re gonna force companies to make umbrellas close again. I hear makers saying their umbrellas are closable so it’s working already. Why couldn’t Sleepy Joe Biden have done this? MUGA!

Uniting America Through Common Timekeeping

April 18, 2025

It makes no sense that patriotic Americans in places like Florida have to stay up late to see the game just because it’s being played in a “left coast” state like California. People doing business in New York have to wait until lunchtime because the crazies in San Francisco don’t wake up until 3 hours later. From this moment forward, America will have one time zone. There will be no central time, mountain time, crazy kook west coast time, there will just be American time. They will call it Freedom Day!

Modification to Government Record Keeping

April 19, 2025

It isn’t 1812 or whatever anymore, right? You gotta be able to read if laws are signed. And all these damn bills signed in ballpoint or maybe even a fountain pen… do you know anyone who uses a fountain pen? I can’t get ’em to work. And I don’t have to cos I got something way better! This stuff doesn’t even show up on TV cameras properly so how does anyone know if it’s been signed and by who, right? This big, beautiful order declares null and void any law where the signature lines aren’t at least 1/8th inch thick Sharpie. I have one right here, isn’t it beautiful? And it smells great too. Here, smell that. Doesn’t that smell great? You see what I mean now, don’tcha? It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?

Diplomatic language is not folly, it’s a necessary façade

Paul Daley wrote a piece in The Guardian yesterday called The dangerous folly of Australia’s come-what-may sycophancy towards Trump is on full display. In it, he argues that America and its position has changed, and Australia is foolish to continue to act as unquestioning allies.

Everything said in the piece is true and all the points made are valid ones.

Here’s a counterpoint though:

There is nothing to be gained for Australia from hairy-chested opposition to the new US administration. Not in public, anyway.

Most people who work with Trump know full well he is a psychopath. The only difference is whether they think it’s a good thing to be used to their advantage (possibly because they’re psychopaths too), or a bad thing to be managed since the highest court in the country has ruled the president untouchable.

Falling into the latter category was Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Mark Milley. Observing Trump’s mental breakdown following his 2020 election loss, Gen. Milley called a secret meeting of officials in charge of the National Military Command Centre and instructed them not to take orders from anyone unless he was involved.

He also made contact with the Chinese military to assure them there would be not be any attack, no matter what rhetoric they may hear.

This is what patriotism looks like.

While Elon Musk and his teenage army of bad coders are conducting an ideological purge of all US government mechanisms on Trump’s behalf, it is reasonable to expect there are still a few General Milleys around.

In the meantime, it does not advance Australia’s interests to antagonise a man and an administration who above all want to be admired and feared. Especially when between them, they probably couldn’t name Australia’s prime minister or find Australia on a map. Trump clearly has NFI what AUKUS is.

Much as I despise the “small target” strategy which Labor has employed for the last 30 years on every level with varying degrees of failure, dealing with Trump is one time where it’s appropriate.

Everyone in the Australian government knows Trump is an idiot and they all know we know it too. Saying so out loud in an official capacity, while being a commendable statement of principle, would not achieve anything positive for anyone.

Diplomacy with the Trump administration is all about letting the baby have his bottle. It’s not about appeasing a tyrant, which Trump undoubtedly is. It’s about leveraging the mentality of a man who will agree with whoever he last spoke to as long as they tell him how big and strong he is, to our advantage.

Maintaining normal diplomatic language towards the US government is no less a dangerous folly than tubthumping denouncement which would only achieve a pyrrhic victory at best. International diplomacy is about saying what you need to get what you want while knowing where you stand.