The spectrum of MAGA

Donald Trump says autism is out of control. There’s no comment on what it would look like if autism were under control, but that’s another question. 

While the US administration implies that a life with autism is not worth living, it would pay to take a look at who is saying it.

There’s the guy who blamed undiagnosed Asperger’s* syndrome for throwing a Nazi salute at an inauguration party. 

Then there’s the guy who thinks it’s perfectly normal to pick up animal carcasses and take them home to study or eat. 

And they’re all led by a grown man who regularly throws tantrums when something doesn’t work for him, alleging great conspiracies against him. 

When you put it all together, it sounds pretty spectrummy, doesn’t it?

Yet they’ve all done well for themselves. So what’s the problem?

 

* This expression is no longer used due to its Nazi connotations, ironically. 

 

 

 

Morrissey: “What does this tell us about the state of Art in 2025?”

Dear Morrissey,

In your latest excuse for cancelling yet another show, you ponder: “No label will release our music, no radio will play our music… and yet our ticket sales are sensational. What does this tell us about the state of Art in 2025?”

There are several answers to this question, and they’re all patently obvious to anyone who has spent any time awake on Earth in the 21st century. 

And they all come down to the fact it’s no longer the 1990s. We cannot cling to those old dreams any more. No record company is going to give you a quarter-million dollar advance to do whatever you want. And when you realise it’s not the 1990s any more, you might also notice that you’re not 30 any more either, and perhaps consider not booking such an “exhausting” tour schedule.

You bemoan the lack of finance from record companies for you to tour, but why would they? Nobody buys physical albums any more, and they haven’t for 20 years. Had you not noticed? These days if an album has a physical release at all, it’s more likely to be on fancy vinyl aimed at a niche market and cost about $70. Singles aren’t even worth thinking about. The average consumer gets all their music from streaming now. Yes, even your fans. 

Gone are the days when tours promoted record sales. Today, albums are a loss-leader to promote concerts. Personally, I don’t like this situation any more than you do, but it’s something every artist has had to adjust to, from the bedroom guitarist with high hopes right up to Bruce Springsteen. 

What exactly do you think ticket sales have to do with having a record deal? To pick just three of your contemporaries, Echo and the Bunnymen, New Order, and Culture Club all continue to tour without any of them having released an album this decade. It doesn’t hurt that when they tour, they show up on time and treat their promoters, crew, and audience with respect. 

You know who else is doing a massively profitable tour without a record company? Oasis!

Now sure, you’re not Oasis. But the people buying Oasis tickets are doing so for exactly the same reason people buy Morrissey tickets: Nostalgia! 

No-one wants to see their favourite artists disappear up their own back catalogue, forsaking any relevance to today. But no-one wants to hear only the new album either. The people buying Morrissey tickets are not coming to hear unreleased songs from Bonfire of Teenagers. They are coming to hear How Soon Is Now?, Suedehead, Bigmouth Strikes Again, November Spawned a Monster, and Interesting Drug. I promise you, no-one standing through the tedious 40-minute YouTube playlist you present at the start of your show is turning to their friend and saying, “I hope he does Life is a Pigsty.” 

They are there to see the Morrissey who reminded them that it takes strength to be gentle and kind, not the Morrissey whose world is shaken by hearing foreign accents in the high street. I know the latter attitude has made you something of a cause célèbre among freedom-fetishising alt-right podcasters and their fans, but I’ll bet you a Johnny Marr signature Martin none of them could hum two bars of any of your songs. They’re not the ones going to your concerts because they’re just as scared to leave the house as you are.

So let’s instead focus on the good aspects of the music industry in 2025. These days, anyone can release an album entirely on their own terms. They probably won’t become a millionaire from it, but artistic integrity is priceless, no? Bonfire of Teenagers could be out tomorrow if you wanted it to be. If Bandcamp is good enough for Peter Gabriel, it’s good enough for you Sonny Jim!

But that would mean taking responsibility for your own career and that’s not what you want, is it? What you want is plausible deniability. You want an evil record label, promoter, or management company to blame when you inevitably shit in the nest again. 

And you’ve had a bad run with all of them, haven’t you? In an industry awash with opportunists and hangers-on, you have achieved what should be impossible. You have completely run out of people willing to work with you. Despite excellent brand recognition, your reputation for being devious, truculent and unreliable precedes you to the point where even the most desperate try-hard refuses to touch you. Being Morrissey’s manager is like being Donald Trump’s lawyer. The first sign of incompetence is taking on the client in the first place. 

Having an ugly bust-up with one label or management company is to be expected. It’s virtually a rock and roll rite of passage. To have it happen with every company you’ve ever dealt with is a different story. 

It’s you, Steven. You’re the problem. 
   

Next Week’s Executive Orders

In his latest act of ruling by fiat – which I’m sure is as the founders intended – Donald Trump claims he’s restoring water pressure to showers.

Never mind the fact that the low-flow attachments are easily removed and Trump’s order will not make them disappear. In fact, I’ll bet every knuckle-dragger in a red hat will claim they’ve just had the best shower they’ve had since 2008 just because Trump said so.

It’s stupid, but it’s harmless stupid. Given that everything Trump does is stupid, let’s be thankful for small mercies and go with the harmless ones.

Here are some suggestions for next week, with appropriately Trumpian explanations:
 

 

Regulating Auditory Output in Broadcasting

April 13, 2025

Didja ever notice the ads on TV always seem louder than the shows? I’m tryin’ to watch Hannity and I gotta crank the sound all the way up just to hear all the great things he’s sayin’ about me. And then he throws to a commercial and it nearly blows your damn head off! So ya gotta reach for the remote and turn it down before your ears start to bleed. But then the show comes back on and I can’t hear anything. What’s with that? We’re putting a stop to it right now.

Bringing Usability to Adhesive Products

April 14, 2025

You know those rolls of Scotch tape? They always come with a little thing on the end so you can find where to start peeling it real easy. But then once you’ve used it, it sticks down and you can never find the end. We’re gonna force manufacturers to put those little things at the end every two inches along the tape so you’re not driven crazy trying to find the end again. This should have been done years ago. I’m very smart!

Restoring the Honor of Women in the Media

April 15, 2025

There’s this thing with women on TV wearing suits and shirts and ties. Have you noticed that? I’ve noticed it. I don’t get it. Why would you wanna make women dress like that? These women are beautiful. Of course they’re beautiful, they’re on TV. Who wants to see a woman dressed like a man? I don’t know what I’m looking at!  Half the time I’m thinking, “Who’s this dude with long blonde hair and eye shadow who’s making me kinda horny?” Women never wore ties when I was growing up. Ties are what men wear. We’re gonna allow women to be women again.

Mordernizing Beverage Container Sealing Initiative

April 16, 2025

Modern soda bottles, I tell ya! You know they made the bottle caps so small. It’s supposed to be for the environment, so you know it’s all a hoax! And they’ve got that little ring, right? This little ring that’s supposed to break off when you open the cap. But it never breaks off properly! I’ve tried it! You’ve gotta go, “Oooh” this way, then you’ve gotta go “Ahh” that way, and most of the time that doesn’t even work, so you’ve gotta go “wiggle… wiggle… wiggle… wiggle… … wiggle…” and even then it gets stuck on half way. You could cut your lip. You risk bleeding to death just coz you’re thirsty. And by the time you get it off, your soda’s gone flat and disgusting. We’re banning those stupid rings. You’re welcome!

Making Umbrellas Great again. MUGA!

April 17, 2025

How come you can’t get umbrellas closed? Nobody knows how to do it. I don’t know how to do it and I’m a genius so obviously nobody else can either. We’re gonna force companies to make umbrellas close again. I hear makers saying their umbrellas are closable so it’s working already. Why couldn’t Sleepy Joe Biden have done this? MUGA!

Uniting America Through Common Timekeeping

April 18, 2025

It makes no sense that patriotic Americans in places like Florida have to stay up late to see the game just because it’s being played in a “left coast” state like California. People doing business in New York have to wait until lunchtime because the crazies in San Francisco don’t wake up until 3 hours later. From this moment forward, America will have one time zone. There will be no central time, mountain time, crazy kook west coast time, there will just be American time. They will call it Freedom Day!

Modification to Government Record Keeping

April 19, 2025

It isn’t 1812 or whatever anymore, right? You gotta be able to read if laws are signed. And all these damn bills signed in ballpoint or maybe even a fountain pen… do you know anyone who uses a fountain pen? I can’t get ’em to work. And I don’t have to cos I got something way better! This stuff doesn’t even show up on TV cameras properly so how does anyone know if it’s been signed and by who, right? This big, beautiful order declares null and void any law where the signature lines aren’t at least 1/8th inch thick Sharpie. I have one right here, isn’t it beautiful? And it smells great too. Here, smell that. Doesn’t that smell great? You see what I mean now, don’tcha? It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?

Diplomatic language is not folly, it’s a necessary façade

Paul Daley wrote a piece in The Guardian yesterday called The dangerous folly of Australia’s come-what-may sycophancy towards Trump is on full display. In it, he argues that America and its position has changed, and Australia is foolish to continue to act as unquestioning allies.

Everything said in the piece is true and all the points made are valid ones.

Here’s a counterpoint though:

There is nothing to be gained for Australia from hairy-chested opposition to the new US administration. Not in public, anyway.

Most people who work with Trump know full well he is a psychopath. The only difference is whether they think it’s a good thing to be used to their advantage (possibly because they’re psychopaths too), or a bad thing to be managed since the highest court in the country has ruled the president untouchable.

Falling into the latter category was Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Mark Milley. Observing Trump’s mental breakdown following his 2020 election loss, Gen. Milley called a secret meeting of officials in charge of the National Military Command Centre and instructed them not to take orders from anyone unless he was involved.

He also made contact with the Chinese military to assure them there would be not be any attack, no matter what rhetoric they may hear.

This is what patriotism looks like.

While Elon Musk and his teenage army of bad coders are conducting an ideological purge of all US government mechanisms on Trump’s behalf, it is reasonable to expect there are still a few General Milleys around.

In the meantime, it does not advance Australia’s interests to antagonise a man and an administration who above all want to be admired and feared. Especially when between them, they probably couldn’t name Australia’s prime minister or find Australia on a map. Trump clearly has NFI what AUKUS is.

Much as I despise the “small target” strategy which Labor has employed for the last 30 years on every level with varying degrees of failure, dealing with Trump is one time where it’s appropriate.

Everyone in the Australian government knows Trump is an idiot and they all know we know it too. Saying so out loud in an official capacity, while being a commendable statement of principle, would not achieve anything positive for anyone.

Diplomacy with the Trump administration is all about letting the baby have his bottle. It’s not about appeasing a tyrant, which Trump undoubtedly is. It’s about leveraging the mentality of a man who will agree with whoever he last spoke to as long as they tell him how big and strong he is, to our advantage.

Maintaining normal diplomatic language towards the US government is no less a dangerous folly than tubthumping denouncement which would only achieve a pyrrhic victory at best. International diplomacy is about saying what you need to get what you want while knowing where you stand. 

The curious case of President Gary and Mr Jellybean

There are basically three types of Trump supporters.

There are the ones who are so brainwashed as to be in complete denial of the fact he is the most malignant sack of shit to freely walk the Earth at this point in time.

There are the ones who are well aware he is a malignant sack of shit and that’s just the way they like it because they’re toxic chauvinists as well. They finally feel represented. These people would happily watch the world burn so long as the guy who flicks the match yells, “AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!” as he does it.

The third type is the one I think is probably the largest group. They’re the less radical of the right wing – the traditional Republican voters. They know full well he is the antithesis of the values and character they’ve tried to bash Democrats over the head with for the last fifty years.  But at the end of the day world, he’s a Republican, he upsets lefties, and he promises tax cuts, so they’re on board. They just need to find a way to rationalise it to themselves.

“It’s not the person or the personality,” they say, “it’s the policy.”

I couldn’t agree more.

In fact, I said the very same thing about Bill Clinton. And then I was shouted down by the same people who now say Trump’s character doesn’t matter.

So let’s talk about policy.

And in order to take personality completely out of the equation, let’s talk about a hypothetical president. We’ll call him President Gary.

President Gary has just assumed the presidency having run on a platform of cutting government waste. And also a bunch of other stuff it’s best we don’t mention at the moment.

Cutting waste is certainly a worthy objective. No reasonable person would object to this.

President Gary appoints his new friend, who we will call Mr Jellybean, to be the one who finds and cuts the waste. He gives Mr Jellybean free and unfettered access to all aspects of government, and the power to defund or abolish entire arms of government and fire everyone who works for them.

Of course, Mr Jellybean can’t do all this on his own. He needs to bring a team in to help. Now you might imagine the team would include some elite forensic accountants but no. They are made up of coders in their late teens and early 20s who previously interned for Mr Jellybean.

Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous but remember, this is just a hypothetical.

In this hypothetical situation, Mr Jellybean is notionally the head of a department but the department isn’t real. It hasn’t been ratified by Congress, it exists in name only. The handy thing about this is that Mr Jellybean does not require Senate confirmation. He acts with the authority of President Gary, basically because President Gary says so.

Here’s the funny thing though: Mr Jellybean himself is a billionaire. A multi, multi billionaire. And he made a large chunk of his billions through government contracts.

If this sounds a bit strange then just hold that thought because I’m not finished yet.

Several of Mr Jellybean’s companies are currently under investigation for malfeasance by several government departments. The very same departments President Gary has given Mr Jellybean the summary authority to shut down.

I stress again, this is merely a hypothetical situation.

And in this hypothetical situation, free from any considerations of personal history, personal behaviour or – dare I suggest – party affiliation, what do we make of what’s going on?

A reasonable person would surely conclude that President Gary is, at the very best, dangerously naïve for thinking Mr Jellybean will act completely and exclusively in the national interest. Less generous people might even speculate that President Gary and Mr Jellybean may be colluding to subvert justice and due process in the name of saving tax dollars.

Oh, did I mention Mr Jellybean named his non-existent department after a cryptocurrency which was originally created as a joke based on a meme of a fluffy dog? And that he recently changed his social media name to Harry Bōlz? No, he’s not twelve. Why do you ask?

Now what if I told you none of this is hypothetical?

Over to you, patriots and policy wonks.

What’s your response to the scenario laid out here, ignoring all other considerations? You can leave your response free of charge in the handy space provided below.

 

 

Tariffs for Dummies

I’m not an economist but I’m not an idiot either. Or perhaps I repeat myself.

Tariffs are a tax on imports. The tax is paid by the business or entity importing the products into the destination country, not by the exporting country of origin. With me so far? Good.

And the importing business would not be an importing business for much longer if it didn’t pass the cost of the import tax on to the customer, right? Okay, fine!

Imports by Nick Youngson CC BY-SA 3.0 Pix4free

So, what’s wrong with this?

Well, nothing.

Tariffs have long been used as a way of protecting local producers from being undercut by cheap imports. We all support buying local whenever possible.

However…

The market has become so unbalanced that no reasonable amount of tariffs are going to change anything for the better.

For example…

The US market (and most of the first world) has decided they’d rather pay $5 at Wal Mart (or equivalent) for t-shirts made in China, than $50 for locally made t-shirts.

So even if you put 100% tariffs on those Chinese t-shirts, they would then cost $10, and the American made t-shirts will still cost $50. It doesn’t benefit the local producers because the imports are still way cheaper, and the people most affected are the ones who can least afford it – if that’s something you care about.

The only benefit is to federal tax revenue which, as the new administration has said, will only go towards tax cuts for those who least need it. Who benefits? Nobody you know.

In this example, there are only two ways to create a level playing field for American t-shirt manufacturers:

a: Raise import taxes to 1000%.

b: Pay US textile workers $2 a day to work 12-hour days with one day off per month.

I’m not sure any reasonable person would think either of those options is a good idea. Yet, this is the economy we have created. The market has decided.

And I’m all for walking back some of the market’s decisions and making things fairer for everyone. But if you think punitive tariffs are a magic cure-all, then I’ve got a large Arctic country to sell you at a knock-down price.

  

 

On celebrity autism

Content warning: ASD discussion...

 

I'm no expert but I have worked with a lot of people on the autism spectrum.

One of the biggest challenges is trying to figure out when their behaviour is a manifestation of their condition, and when they are using it as an excuse for being lazy or rude or otherwise anti-social. That sounds harsh, but it’s accurate.

But regardless of whether it’s one or the other, it's part of my job to help them understand what is socially acceptable. I've had to tell a student he can't just go to sleep on the floor when he’s bored. Sure, it's harmless, but it freaks people out.

I’ve had another student who is hyper-aware of his condition and obsesses over people not making allowances for it. I ended up telling him, “Unless you want to wear a badge that says, ‘I’m autistic, please be nice to me,’ then the world has already adjusted to you as much as it's going to.” You have to be cruel to be kind sometimes.

And that brings us back around to Elon and Kanye. An autism spectrum diagnosis (and I do mean diagnosis) may explain their behaviour but it does not excuse it.

This is not an unfortunate still taken out of context.
This is an adult who should know better.

In such a situation, it’s incumbent upon those around the individual in question to help them understand what is socially acceptable – and if they can’t understand it, at least act within what polite society considers appropriate.

I’ve been there myself. As I child, I was in the front room playing and I held my right arm out in a way that I had seen a robot in a movie do to zap some bad guys. Or maybe they were good guys – I don’t remember and it’s hardly relevant. My father sat me down and explained that we never EVER hold an arm out like that.

I was confused. Didn’t he understand I was just being like that robot in that movie? (He didn’t. And that’s fair enough) But after a few minutes I understood and I never did it again. I was 8.

Being on the spectrum and being a dickhead are not mutually exclusive.

I’ve written before about my own mental condition and I can tell you from experience that when someone uses a mental condition as an excuse for being a dickhead, it’s because they’re a dickhead, not because of any condition.

Autism conditions can be perfectly manageable if the individual and those around them (not necessarily in that order) are willing to manage it

Anyone who can’t make a gesture saying, “My heart goes out to you,” without it looking like a Nazi salute has deeper problems than being on the spectrum. Saying, “I’m a bit socially awkward cos autism,” is not just a pissweak excuse, it’s an insult to all those on the spectrum who have struggled for years to adjust to social norms which don’t compute for them.