How to fix I.C.E.

There are millions of people who want ICE abolished. There are millions of people who want ICE strengthened. It’s a common debate about all kinds of services.

The solution is very simple, and it’s something I have learned from 25 years of reading and engaging with US conservatives. 

Two words: 

User pays!

That’s always been the guiding principle of conservatism. Taxpayers should not have to fund public schools if they want to send their kids to private schools or home school. There shouldn’t be publically funded libraries when there are people who don’t believe in reading. There should not be publically funded media when people don’t want to hear it. 

And I don’t even need to mention health care. America has the best health care in the world, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?

This principle applies no matter how many Washington elites try to tell you it’s “necessary.”

Also, was it not Ronald Reagan who said the most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help”?

Well, you’ve proved that. Government run Immigration and Customs Enforcement has resulted in people being hired who aren’t even physically or psychologically fit enough to be an overnight mall cop. 

What’s more, they’re being paid 5-figure bonuses before they’ve even done a day’s work! What kind of socialism is that? It’s Business 101, people! Where is the Department of Government Efficiency now?

The solution is simple, and it’s to follow the conservative solution for everything:
PRIVATISE I.C.E!

We all know that the private sector always gives a better service for a lower price, right? Right?

So, let them! Allow the free market to decide as it does best! Let the people choose their own ICE agents.

Now I’m not saying it will come cheap. A simple mid-morning raid on a restaurant could still run into hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not everyone who needs it can afford that. 

For those who can’t afford to pay out of pocket, they can take out Immigration Insurance. If they require a raid, they can claim it on their insurance plan. After that, a very smart and community spirited assessor will look at the daylight murder you requested and decide if 

a)    The procedure is covered under your policy
b)    The operation was warranted
c)    The company will pay for it

If the answer to all three questions is ‘yes’ then happy days!

If the answer to any of those questions is ‘no’ then you’ll have your life destroyed. But I’m sure we can all agree that this would only happen to people trying to game the system through over servicing, right? 

You know it makes sense. 

Or, as one of your fallen heroes liked to say, prove me wrong.