22 August, 2013

If Abbott had kept going...

Matthew da Silva wrote a great observation on Tony Abbott’s ‘shut up’ moment last night, that it was basically Abbott reverting to type.  I agree completely.  Anyone who has ever been to high school has come across the kind of meathead with more ambition than talent, who likes to suck up to the crowd with bullying.  And anyone who has ever been to school can probably imaging what would have come next if Abbott hadn’t quickly remembered that he’s trying to keep himself nice – or at least keep plausible deniability for his boorishness.

Probably something like this…

Does this guy ever shut up?
I mean c’mon, does he ever bloody shut up! On and on and on!
“Oh look at me! I’m Kevin Rudd. I wear glasses, that means I’m smart. I go on about programmated special whatsits.”

I mean, what you’ve gotta remember about old Ruddy here is… He was beaten by a girl!
No shit! He was dead set beaten by a girl!  And not just any girl. He was beaten by a redhead! How pathetic can you be?
Kev got beat by a giii-irrrrl!
Kev got beat by a giii-irrrrl!
Kev got beat by a giii-irrrrl!

Oh no, I’m sorry Kev. I didn’t mean it. I don’t wanna make you cry again.

But you’ve got to admit it’s pretty pissweak that it took you three years to get her back. And now that you’ve finally got her back for beating you, now you’re getting your arse kicked by a bunch of darkies in boats. I mean, who cares if they drown or if they’re getting shot at. It’s not our problem, is it?

Kev’s big idea now if that we ought to allow queers to marry each other. Who cares? Why’s Kev so friendly with poofters now?  Makes ya wonder, doesn’t it? You a poofter, Kev? I reckon Kev might be a poofter.

He keeps whingeing about policy detail. What a dropkick! We’re not all as boring as you, Kev! Some of us have lives. Some of us know how to have fun. You want costings? Okay mate, you know what? I’ve got your costings RIGHT HERE [grabs crotch].

Oops. I probably shouldn’t do that around Kev. He might think I’m a bit of alright. I’d better keep my back to the wall in case he wants to give me one up the arse.

Australians want a real man for prime minister. Just get a load of this [lifts shirt]. Pure Aussie muscle, that! I got that ’cos I was out surfing and doing triathlons while Kev was practicing how to talk ching-chong. I’ve driven fire trucks. I bet Kev hasn’t even driven a Tonka truck! [pauses to laugh at his great wit]

You’ve got a clear choice at this election. You can have boring old mister nerdy four-eyes brainiac  here, or you can have someone who looks like a real Aussie, acts like a real Aussie and talks like a real Aussie.
Now I’ll see you all in the bar where it’s my shout.
Bye, Kev! Say hi to your boyfriend for me!

Remember that a “gaffe” is usually when you forget to not say what you really think.

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