It's Saturday night - time for a couple of Rocktails.
Add a nip of absinthe to cider and serve over cough drops and ice.
Add sour cream and chill.
Add celery juice and Marmite.
If that still doesn't turn people off, add grass, sawdust, pea soup and iron filings until something works.
Fill a pint glass with gin & tonic, Jack Daniel's and red wine, then throw it at your brother.